Dear Mr. Richman,
I hope that you are enjoying your trek across the country leading up to your live Superbowl event on February 3, but I also hope that said event will be the final chapter in what has become one of the most disturbing reality television series ever.
I wish I could write you in order to extol your show, Adam, but I cannot. Sadly, my purpose is far more grave, so I will not mince words or waste time making polite requests.
Adam, quit making the show. Please stop whoring out your iron gastrointestinal system. Do it for your physical and mental well-being.
I used to love Man v. Food, but I have come to realize that it glorifies one of Americans’ worst habits: overindulgence. Furthermore, after two seasons (in a calendar single year, no less) and approximately forty episodes, the MVF formula has gotten a bit stale, and your personal limit of roughly six-and-a-half pounds of food is now well established.
Do you realize that you’ve probably eaten at least 250 pounds of food while taping MVF? At this point, you have eaten more than your own weight worth of food on camera. How does that make you feel on the inside?
What’s worse is that while we are watching whether you can stomach a six-pound steak and a baked potato in a single sitting, there are millions elsewhere who will never see steak at all, let alone see if they can eat six pounds of it in under an hour.
It should be no wonder that the USA is the fattest, most self-absorbed country on the globe.
I can’t say that I haven’t learned anything from watching your program; I now know that four pounds of ice cream is just about the most a guy can eat without vomiting, and if he wants to pack in any more than that, he should stick to plain vanilla.
I have also learned that the “ghost” chili, the hottest chili pepper known to man, is so hot that it cannot be prepared without gloves and goggles. I dare not even imagine what ingesting it does to your small intestine.
I notice that there are no “day-after” “vlogs” on your website. Is that because you’re stuck in the bathroom, birthing five-pound butt babies and checking your stool for blood?
Also, I realize you love food, but you are not eating the most gourmet of offerings. By and large, a burger is a burger, regardless of whether it’s four ounces or four pounds. Discussing the interplay between the cheesiness of the twenty-three ounces of smokehouse cheddar and the saltiness of the full pound of applewood bacon only makes you look slightly more ridiculous than stuffing your face with 5000 calories in forty-five minutes does.
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in Miami, but please think about what I have said:
Quit the show. Are the hundreds of thousands of dollars the Travel Channel pays you really worth it? Do it for yourself. Do it for your fans. Do it for AMERICA!
P.S.: If you do choose to persist with the show, may I recommend pursuing some additional endorsement deals? Perhaps you could promote from the other end, so to speak, and get a deal with Preparation H or Charmin.