Category: 1995-2000

My furniture almost killed me last night. There I was, dozing off on my couch, when all of a sudden the throw pillows leapt onto my face and started to suffocate me. While I was fighting them off of my face, the desk lamp came crashing into my back. I turned around, and there they all were, ready to kill me. I am not going to bore you with the details of my miraculous escape, but apparently, there was a Furniture Coup in my room last night. I had read about the Furniture Coup of West Germany in ’77 and the Bolivia furniture coup from the 1940’s. After I realized that this was the problem, my furniture and I had a diplomatic meeting. We all sat down, and they told me their demands. I, not wanting to lose any of them, promised to fufill all their demands. Now, after work, I have to run and get a frilly La-Z-Boy® and fancy nightstand. Apparently, all my furniture is starved for lovin’.

One time, I went to the store, and they gave me a bootleg mashed potato. After I left the zoo, the potato and I went up to Inspiration Point in his ’76 Camaro. I really wasn’t sure what was going to happen up there, but I was getting worried. He edged up to the cliff, and I was envisioning a Thelma and Louiseesque bound over the cliff; but I couldn’t be so lucky. The potato put on the Barry White and needless to say, three weeks later a package, postage due, arrived on my doorstep. Inside were 45 French fries and a note from Spuderick. He told me that he couldn’t raise these fries and he needed my help. Seeing no other option, I fired up the deep fryer and had me some homestyles. Is that cannibalism?

This is kind of strange; I don’t normally update Nothing in General on time. I am very impressed with myself. Right now, I am listening to Bassbin Twins, and I am about to start reading some AP Econ. For all those considering AP classes in the future- don’t take AP Econ-anything. They suck. I took AP Macroeconomics last year, and I nearly died of boredom. The only thing different this year is that I have already been accepted to the school of my choice, and all I am doing now is running down the clock until I am free from the clutched of state required education.

Well, after a few days of no school, we finally went back today. It was alright, except I think I am getting really sick. Also, I have made a decision. I am going to drink water at all meals, and juice in between them. I am trying to get healthier.

As I am sure you all know, tomorrow is the last day of the millennium. That’s a pretty scary thought, isn’t it? We can only wonder what the future has in store for us.