Someone recently asked me if I thought I was a loser. I really didn’t know exactly how to answer them. I mean, yeah, I like computers; I have an extensive Starting Lineup figurine collection; and I named all my toe nails; but does that make me a dork? Methinks not.
Now I suppose if I was an avid watcher of cartoons, owned a website, wore glasses, and I named my pet fish after a jazz great, then maybe I would be a dork. Wait a second, I did do that. Okay, so maybe I am a dork. But there are advantages to being a dork.
For example, most people think you are weak and feeble, so they don’t normally ask you to do menial tasks, such as mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, or heavy lifting. I remember one time, my way cooler, burlier, hulkier older brother got stuck cutting the grass, while I got to stay indoors, and help my mom bake cookies.
Also, people assume your naturally smart. I was talking to this really hot chick, and I know she thought I was sexy, and she was talking about something I didn’t really understand, quantum physicians or something. So anyway, she asks me, “Do you know what I am talking about? Of course you do, look how thick your glasses are!!!” Needless to say, when I was about to ask her out, she vomited on my Pumas. I think it must have been the spaghetti we had at lunch that day. She made some story about my halitosis, whatever that is. It’s probably some made-up condition.
There are several advantages to being super-cool in specs. People admire you, old ladies think you’re adorable, and all the guys think you are the funniest thing since Dana Carvey. Especially after the wedgies.