Last Saturday, Audrey told Richard that she didn’t want to be in a serious relationship anymore, but she still wanted to date. Throughout the course of the week, she sent him lovey-dovey text messages about how much she pines for his man musk. Richard went to her place this past Friday night, and they made sweet, passionate love all night long and on into the morning.
After the fuckfest had concluded, and Audrey prepared to work a double at P.F. Chang’s, Richard was collecting his things to go and noticed a condom wrapper on the floor of her bedroom.
This was odd to him because he didn’t use any condoms during the last night’s sex marathon. (Richard only uses condoms early in a relationship and when he’s drunk, and he wasn’t drunk last night.) He asked Audrey where the husk came from, and she says that it must have come out from under the bed. Ever the gumshoe, David checks the condom’s expiration date.
November 2013. Too far in the future to be that old. Condoms have about a two year shelf life. Richard mentally estimated that this condom was purchased within the last month. David pointed this out to Audrey, and she continued to deny any wrong-doing.
Thus, Richard left, already resolute to end the relationship once and for all. Later, Audrey called to confess that she in fact slept with a coworker that Monday night, further adding that she had gotten drunk after taking two Ambien and so didn’t remember it very well. The lesson learned?
“I’m only gonna take one Ambien from now on.”
It was then that Richard told her it was over for good.