Instead of updating you on the current goings-on in my life, I figured I would provide an invaluable service to all four of you that frequent GDO-R. As you may have noticed, I have a fairly broad vocabulary, and I don’t mind flaunting it. In fact, I daresay I love flaunting it. This bodes well for me in academic circles, but it unfortunately alienates me from many of my peers. Oftentimes, I am chastised within my coterie for “smart-talking.” [It should be noted here that the lion’s share of my clique are not college-educated.] As such, in an effort to share my extensive knowledge of language, I bring you VOCABULARY-EDIFICATION WITH MIKEY. Rather than committing myself to something I know I cannot deliver, I will simply state that I plan to make this a recurring feature of GDO-R, however, there will be no regularity to the recurrence of the series. With the exposition and other such formalities out of the way, let’s get to building your lexicon!
august \aw-GUST or AW-gust\ adjective – marked by majestic dignity or grandeur
exempla gratia – Gretchin and Graham wanted to get married on the tallest mountain in the Himilayas, the august Mount Everest. Sadly, Gretchin was forced to resort to cannibalism when an avalanche buried the other five members of the wedding party. It was fortunate that her sherpa guide knew several recipes, including one for an excellent cajun-fried leg of Graham.
bibelot \BEE-buh-loh\ noun – a small household ornament or decorative object : trinket
exempla gratia – Marla had several bibelots and accoutrements adorning the shelves in her modest home. Her most prized possession, however, was a false phallus supposedly used by Eleanor Roosevelt. It sat proudly and defiantly erect atop her fireplace mantle.
deglutition \dee-gloo-TIH-shun or deh-gloo-TIH-shun\ noun – the act or process of swallowing
exempla gratia – Heather always gagged when she tried deglutition, so she spat instead.
florilegium \flor-uh-LEE-jee-um\ noun – a volume of writings : anthology
exempla gratia – Larry had been working on a florilegium of his bawdy limericks for several years. Before he could complete his life’s work, he died. Instead of a eulogy, his wife, Florence, read his now-infamous “The Man from Nantucket.”
gauche \GOHSH\ adjective – lacking social experience or grace; also : not tactful : crude
exempla gratia – Bobette’s social graces are in dire need of polishing. The gauche woman once shouted in a restaurant full of people that she found a hair in her kickin’ chicken wrap. This was before she got the Rogaine for women.
hypocorism \hye-PAH-kuh-rih-zum or hye-puh-KOR-ih-zum\ noun – a pet name
exempla gratia – I never understood why Frank had been given the hypocorism the “Wooly Mammoth” by our friends until I went with him to the gym. Men can shave down there too, you know.
katzenjammer \KAT-sun-jam-er\ noun – hangover
exempla gratia – The wild party and baker’s dozen of Cuervo shots left Jamie with a severe katzenjammer and a scorching case of herpes.
meshuggener \muh-SHOO-guh-ner\ (“OO” as in “foot,” not as in “boot”) noun – a foolish or crazy person
exempla gratia – Kenny was always the meshuggener of our friends. We could rely on him to put lampshades on his head and to put other extremities in rather unorthodox places like shampoo bottles and jacuzzi jets– well, until that one time disaster struck. Kenny’s still crazy; now he just has to pee into a bag.
pedantic \pih-DAN-tik\ adjective – unimaginative, pedestrian
exempla gratia – The use of simile is so overused that it’s rather pedantic. Using similes to compare two things is like jaywalking– everybody does it.
widdershins \WIH-der-shinz\ adverb – in a left-handed, wrong, or contrary direction
exempla gratia – WHAT THE FUCK!!! THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. LEFT-HANDED PEOPLE WERE THE FIRST GROUP TO BE VILIFIED BY THEIR PEERS. HELL, EVEN THE LATIN ADJECTIVE FOR LEFT-HANDED IS SINISTER. FELLOW SOUTH-PAWS, WE MUST UNITE AND TAKE A STAND AGAINST OUR RIGHT-HANDED OPPRESSORS. ON AUGUST 13 (LEFT-HANDERS’ DAY– WE GET A DAY. AFRICAN-AMERICANS GET A WHOLE MONTH!), STAND STRONG AND FIGHT!
–Post over, Mikey out.