Category: Corpus

This morning, I had doughnuts at school. They were absolutely delicious, and when I was hearing about such sweet, sweet doughnut talk, it reminds of me when I was little boy in the old country. Where I come from, doughnuts are as rare as pearls, and nearly twice as valuable. In my country, it is said, “If thou shall chance across a sweet O, keep it near thine heart, as myriads of thieves will try your confectioned ring to take.” I have never really comprehended the true meaning of this adage, but I have tried to respect it as best as I can. But one time, when I was at the tender young age of eleventeen, I had a doughnut experience I will never forget. It was so terrible, and so horrifying that it brings pain to even consider thinking about it. What actually happened, you ask? Let’s just say that I ended up holding the doughnut, or perhaps I let the doughnut out of the bag, or maybe I spilled the doughnuts. But to be utterly honest, I don’t really remember.

Milk tastes much better going down than coming back up. Every time I burp after having just drank milk, I wish I never had the white frothy stuff. Do you know what milk really is? It’s just lipid tissue (fat) floating in water. It’s pretty disgusting, if you ask me. Also, how did people figure out that milk goes best cereal? This has always bothered me, but the problem is that I don’t know how to go about figuring it out.

My furniture almost killed me last night. There I was, dozing off on my couch, when all of a sudden the throw pillows leapt onto my face and started to suffocate me. While I was fighting them off of my face, the desk lamp came crashing into my back. I turned around, and there they all were, ready to kill me. I am not going to bore you with the details of my miraculous escape, but apparently, there was a Furniture Coup in my room last night. I had read about the Furniture Coup of West Germany in ’77 and the Bolivia furniture coup from the 1940’s. After I realized that this was the problem, my furniture and I had a diplomatic meeting. We all sat down, and they told me their demands. I, not wanting to lose any of them, promised to fufill all their demands. Now, after work, I have to run and get a frilly La-Z-Boy® and fancy nightstand. Apparently, all my furniture is starved for lovin’.

One time, I went to the store, and they gave me a bootleg mashed potato. After I left the zoo, the potato and I went up to Inspiration Point in his ’76 Camaro. I really wasn’t sure what was going to happen up there, but I was getting worried. He edged up to the cliff, and I was envisioning a Thelma and Louiseesque bound over the cliff; but I couldn’t be so lucky. The potato put on the Barry White and needless to say, three weeks later a package, postage due, arrived on my doorstep. Inside were 45 French fries and a note from Spuderick. He told me that he couldn’t raise these fries and he needed my help. Seeing no other option, I fired up the deep fryer and had me some homestyles. Is that cannibalism?

This is kind of strange; I don’t normally update Nothing in General on time. I am very impressed with myself. Right now, I am listening to Bassbin Twins, and I am about to start reading some AP Econ. For all those considering AP classes in the future- don’t take AP Econ-anything. They suck. I took AP Macroeconomics last year, and I nearly died of boredom. The only thing different this year is that I have already been accepted to the school of my choice, and all I am doing now is running down the clock until I am free from the clutched of state required education.