When I get older, I am changing my name to Authority. No last name, just Authority. That way, when people ask “On whose authority are you doing this?” I can honestly answer, “Mine.” In addition to changing my name to Authority, I plan to get a theory or principle named after me. Sort of like Akum’s Razor, except mine would be called Authority’s Toothbrush (I would have already changed my name to Authority come time for me to develop the Toothbrush theory). What exactly the theorem will entail, I don’t know yet. I was thinking about why do they make toothbrushes with hard bristles if dentist’s don’t recommend them? Or whatever happened to those little orange pick things on the bottom of some Oral-B toothbrushes? Did they realize no one ever used them, or have they been replaced by something a little bit more safe, namely floss?
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