“Jeffrey! Wake up, Honey, it’s time for bed.” his mother yelled from the bottom of the stairs. “But Mom, I was already sleeping…” Jeff got dressed and went to the morgue. ( The school was being repaired after the tremendous hailstorm of 1976.) On his way, he passed the usual quaint little stores and shops along the way… There was the Hot Dog Stand, the German Novelty Store, Cadavers R’ Us, Opium and other Mystical Drugs, and many others. He continued on his way and passed by his favorite place- the Bovine Factory!
At the Bovine Factory, they made all kinds of cows and dairy related products. One day, when he was five, the paternal man took him there. (The paternal man was just a cardboard cutout of Jeff’s father who had died years earlier in a boaking accident.) At the Bovine factory, Jeff got to see them make all kinds of nifty and scary things. He saw them milk the cows, churn the butter, and his favorite, build the cheese! Jeff was always fascinated by the fabrication of cheese and cheese-related prooducts. For Christmas last year, Jeff requested 300 gallons of Easy Cheese and 400 tons of cheddar.
Jeff began to ponder another visit to the Bovine Factory, it had been years since he had been, and he figured that there must have been countless increases in the technology of cheese creation. Jeff decided that one quick little visit to the Bovine Factory couldn’t hurt him. After all, today at the morgue they were just teaching about the fires of Afganistan. Like Jeff really could care.
Jeff covertly entered the factory. At once, he was in awe at the site of all those dairy products. While he was busy frolicking throughout the cow stalls, he saw it. There it was, his favorite thing- a giant vat of cottage cheese. Seizing his only oppurtunity, Jeff ran and swandived into the cottage cheese. But what’s this? The cheese hadn’t fermented yet; the mice were still alive! Jeff was going to be dashed to pieces…
At that instant, Jeff awoke cold and sweaty in his box. When were the masters going to change his newspapers? The smell was absolutely atrocious.. His water was low, and his wheel was broken… Uh oh, what was that? Something stirred on the other end of the table… It was Fluffy, the cat! Oh no!
At that instant, Jeff awoke cold and sweaty in his box. The rain continued to patter incessantly on the cardboard above him. The stairmaster box he loved so dear was slowly collapsing… Tomorrow he would go out and find a Whirlpool… Jeff dug his grimy fingers through his filthy knapsack, looking for something. Then he pulled out something orange and hard. It was his pet cheese, just like the one his brother Jonny had gotten. It had babies. And Jeff got one. Jeff loved Sparky with all his heart. At times, Sparky was his only companion. Jeff caressed Sparky… He loved that cheese so dearly….
—
that’s the end of that story… odd, yes.. we know…
oh-oh-oh cheese
we love you so
oh-oh-oh-cheese
please don’t go
oh-oh-oh cheese
feel the flow
cheeeeese……….
OH yeah!
—
atypically irregular, Ollinger