2001-2005 Other Words

Between Friends

The following is something I originally posted to my blog on Gekko, but with the resurrection of WRITE CLUB, I decided that it was better suited to this milieu. Some women like it when you talk dirty to them; for some reason, however, girls HATE it when I talk dirty.

D: Y’know….I think on some level, however minute, every woman is attractive when she’s naked.

G: Uh…I guess– what if she’s taking a shit?

D: It may not be attractive to me, but you know that someone out there gets off on it.

G: Yeah, those sick scat freaks.

JJ: Scat freaks? Like Cab Calloway?

G: JJ, I swear to Christ…you’re such a fuck-up– not jazz scat. You’ve never heard of scat before? Next time you’re fuckin’ her, why don’t you ask D’s mom to give you a Cleaveland Steamer? She’s into that shit.

JJ: Yeah, I know– just like Cab Calloway. That motherfucker…I’ve seen pictures, man. He had that horsecock of his six inches deep in some bitch’s doo-doo.

D: Ehh…that’s fucking nasty. Where the hell did you see Cab Calloway porn? (turning to G) And fuck you, G. My mom is not a shit-eater!

G: That’s not what she said last night– oh shit!!! (as if he’s tallying points on a chalkboard) G: 1, D AND his skank-ass shit-eatin’ mom: 0

JJ: Wait a second, G. So you’re into it, then? I thought you said scat freaks were “sick.”

G: Yeah, well…I admit that it’s an unusual fetish. It doesn’t mean I’m not comfortable with it.

D: G, that’s right deplorable. I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone enjoying having another’s feces on him.

G: To each his own, D. I’ve heard about what you make Tina do sometimes.

JJ: What’s that?

G: Douchey McFuck here likes for his woman to kiss him right after she’s gone down on him and right before she swallows his seed.

D: LIES!!! All lies!

G: Dude, you’re dating my sister. Don’t you think I overhear what she says to her friends about you?

D: (looking slightly aghast) Who has she told? …. And what else have you heard?

G: Ohh…young grasshopper, you have much to learn in the ways of extortion. The only way you’ll find out what else I know is if you run for public office in twenty years.

JJ: You two kill me. You’re both fucking weird as shit.

D: JJ, you never answered me…where’d you see Cab Calloway porn?

JJ: Oh…my grandpa used to show me that stuff.