Category: 2001-2005

It’s been a pretty slow six days since I last wrote. I worked this weekend- nothing too exciting happening there. Aside from that, my weekend included my usual activities: hanging around, sleeping, eating, drinking, and thinking. Of the five activities, only sleeping and thinking are necessarily appealing to me. The rest are both necessary parts of my life, but I only derive pleasure from nighttime dreaming and its sunlit counterpart, day-dreaming.

My sleeping patterns have gotten rather unstable; I am going to bed later and getting up at approximately the same time. As a result, my dreams have started getting macabre and surreal. My childhood was earmarked with mundanity in both my hours awake and my hours asleep. My dreams were very literal; while I slept, I phantasied about school, people in my life, and my pets. Never once in grade school or high school did I have a dream where my house is being overrun with zombies. But now, it’s normal. I really don’t get it.

My life is pretty uneventful on the whole. It’s like clockwork. I wake up. I use the bathroom. I shower. I play on the computer. I play video games. I eat. I read. I write. I work on the computer. I sleep…I sleep…I sleep. I wake up. I shower. I sleep (gotta have nearly equal time of day-dreaming and night-fancying, you know). Because of this, I have become prone to spending hours on end merely pondering my existence. I wonder… So far, all my hours of rumination and puzzlement have been futile. I am as perplexed as I was when I started, if not more. People create bustling lives for themselves so that they won’t have to stop to examine them. I suppose I can see their logic: “Why bother, there’s no time to stop and smell the roses. There’s too much to do. I have curtains to clean, children to feed, and spouses/significant others/French whores/Trishelles to copulate with.” They are right in some ways. But I really wonder.

Right now, it’s three in the morning, and I am reading and ruminating upon rules of usage in the English language. I have come to learn that I tend to spell more words in the correct form in British English, rather than in the American. I guess that is because I have this knack for doing things slightly differently but correct all the same. Besides, Brits were speaking English long before Americans were. Furthermore, what exactly is an American?

On another front, I am having troubles deciding what screen name to use (I know what you’re thinking– but Mikey, we don’t CARE!). Bret and I went through a phase where we registered new AOL instant messenger handles on a daily basis. Bret grew out of this; I, however, did not. I continue to think of great new names and register them as soon as possible. The names I have registered, in no particular order:
tevasandal
googly scimitar
macabre mikey
eat a pencil
get ta steppin y
great gondala
camel jimmy j
drinkyourwords
fracca at 1134
gekkokid19
i love millia
mollingerm
wherermypants
yekim91o
eLbow Parker
elBud potter
lumpylizardman
smooth mikey o
mikey ollinger
mordacious mikey

As you can see, I have entirely too many. I really need to hew it down to about three to five. Those that I am particularly fond of are emboldened. I believe I register so many screen names because I love coming up with titles and names for things. I have been naming cats, dogs, fish, cars, chairs, rooms, body parts, the list goes on and on. In thinking about it even further (another sign I really need to find a life), I have decided upon the ultimate screen name for myself. The rest are good, but this one is the best…

From henceforth, my screen name shall be THE NOMENCLATOR (cue echo, clap of thunder, and scary-sounding music). I will name things as they come to me. I will invent monikers where needed. Why? Because I am the NOMENCLATOR!!!

I love reading my replies to old emails. If tomorrow I was stricken deaf and mute, email would be my preferred method of communication. I found these tasty little morsels I have written while sifting through the 18 months worth of old electronic communication I have on my computer:

“I have been most busy with work, and my new-found hobby, world domination. I am sure you have seen the multitudes of “Mikey Made This Happen” and “Obey Mikey and live, Disobey Mikey and perish instantly” billboards around your local town or prefecture.”
“…you have the week off from school, yet you’re cooped up in your apartment downloading “Bang Bus” shorts and eating Oreo’s by the pound.”

“Truth be told, I have been ruminating on the “panty/panties” dilemma for nearly two weeks now.”

“BE NICE TO ME. STOP GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY TO BE A BITCH. “

“I guess that’s all I have to report. Oh, and I have started writing the SPACE WARS saga. How’s the site coming?”

“I have been using “crapulous” in my lexicon for nearly 14 hours already.”

Well, it’s no coincidence that since my 21st birthday, Gekko has not been updated. Between celebrating my new-found legality with friends and family and Bret being in Florida for the holiday weekend, it has been difficult for things to get done. At any rate, the newness of my birthday has worn off, Bret’s back home, and so status quo is slowly starting return. The minute moratorium from the monotany is waning. Work is picking back up; and in a week or so, school will be back in as well.

I hate when I try writing for the website, and the idea I have turns out to be only half an idea; one that won’t work. I get about halfway through, and I hit this impermeable wall. The rest of the idea sets up a fortress, and I end up stuck in a metaphorical moat in my mind, fending off disease and alligators. Well, it’s not exactly that bad, but it’s close. I have pages of half-written stories, strings of unrelated couplets, and other cacographical bric-a-brac. Some are on little coffee-stained napkins, tattered and torn pages of notebooks, and the backs of magazine inserts. To help combat this whelming bit of disorganization, I have started carrying around a memo pad and pen to record all my random thoughts and ideas. Nearly everyone who has seen me toting it around teases me about it, asking either what I’m writing down (to which I answer “I’m thinking of the quickest way to kill you” – that normally shuts ’em up) or if Frank, Joe, or I need any help solving the mystery of the African Safari or whatever case we’re on; to which I reply, “no thanks, but you can get me a bearclaw and get the boys a couple of glasses of grape juice and some Fig Newtons.”

Right now, I am struggling for fresh ideas (I have a few in the oven; they should be ready soon), and I need to clean out the first few pages of the memo pad. As such, below are the first few quotable quotes I have heard since the notebook’s inception.

“They’re fantastic. My family and me- we’re real big rib-eaters.”
–caller-in to QVC, while the channel airs a promotion for Corky’s BBQ Fully Cooked Ribs
“My dick is the star of my fantasy.”
–Dave Chappelle, on why men never fantasize about threesomes with other men
“When you look this good, you don’t have to know anything.”
–Fry, on the importance of appearances, from an episode Futurama
“I kinda took some stuff, but I didn’t rob them.”
“Even if the Pope himself hit me, I would call the police.”

–overheard while watching Judge Joe Brown with my sister-in-law
You can be sure to look for more of these coming soon. As soon as I hear them, I will be sure to include them somehow or another in my normal posts. I have found that you are likely to hear the most unlikeliest of things in the stangest of places. People are poets without knowing it; they can philosophize without being wise.
Well, it’s getting late, and Fatboy Slim’s “Talkin’ ‘Bout my Baby” is on, and I just have to dance…later, cats & kittens.

GK Out.