Category: Other Words

I neglected to update Nothing in General until Wednesday, much to my chagrin. I really haven’t much else to say. I don’t have much of anything to say now, but I felt obligated to update this before the week ran out. Last night, I dreamt that Bret and I were having a race. The race started off alright, but then he saw a cop ahead, and so slowed down. I didn’t see the cop until it was too late, and he pulled me over. Fortunately, the cop was a great guy, and he and I ended up being good friends. What could this possibly mean?

Well, no one feels comfortable simply calling me “Authority.” I can’t be sure, but I think it’s because they would rather not concede my superior intellect, physical prowess, or substantial good looks. They would rather continue with the lie and call me Michael, rather than my desired moniker. Oh well, life goes on, I suppose. Maybe I can think of another good name for myself and see how people react. Most any name I give myself is incredibly fitting, so it shouldn’t matter what it is. I was thinking something catchy like Superman. It’s just a thought, though.

When I get older, I am changing my name to Authority. No last name, just Authority. That way, when people ask “On whose authority are you doing this?” I can honestly answer, “Mine.” In addition to changing my name to Authority, I plan to get a theory or principle named after me. Sort of like Akum’s Razor, except mine would be called Authority’s Toothbrush (I would have already changed my name to Authority come time for me to develop the Toothbrush theory). What exactly the theorem will entail, I don’t know yet. I was thinking about why do they make toothbrushes with hard bristles if dentist’s don’t recommend them? Or whatever happened to those little orange pick things on the bottom of some Oral-B toothbrushes? Did they realize no one ever used them, or have they been replaced by something a little bit more safe, namely floss?

Well, tomorrow is President’s Day. I don’t know for sure, but I might be getting that new bicycle from the Great Presidents of the Past. See, in my family, we have a celebration similar to Christmas on President’s Day; instead of Santa Claus, the Great Presidents of the Past bring opulent and lavish gifts. The posthumous deliverer of the gifts changes every year; last year, it was Lyndon Johnson. It’s always a surprise who will come. The only way you know who brought you the presents is by the 8 x 10 glossy they leave for you. I remember when I was 8, Chester A. Arthur left me a Nintendo Entertainment System. I was the happiest lad in the world. I can’t wait for Flag Day, though; it’s the greatest holiday ever!

I love taking naps. Yesterday, I took a quick lil’ 20 minuter, and I felt so refreshed. I can’t wait until I retire when all I have to do is take naps and walk around. Sometimes, I wish I had narcolepsy. Well actually, narcolepsy is pretty dangerous. If there was some way to tap the power of narcolepsy and make it so I could command myself to fall asleep at anytime, that would be best. Because if I had regualr narcolepsy, I could fall asleep at anytime and that’s just notasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Forgive me, I just fell asleep.