Category: Other Words

There’s some type of foodstuff under the period key on my keyboard. I don’t know how it could have gotten there; perhaps when I was enjoying a healthy bowl of Tostidos, a lone crumb leapt from my mouth and burrowed it’s way under the “.” Upon closer inspection (I poked at it with a pen), I think it may be frosting. Unfortunately, I haven’t partook in a frosted confection in a while. Unless, of course, I wasn’t the eater of the delicious dessert, and some other unknown individual dined on a dainty cake. Perhaps a miscreant, set on robbing me of my prized possessions, sat down and had himself (or herself, I am trying to be PC, even when it comes to criminals) a cupcake, which they stole from a six-year-old’s birthday party of Chuck E. Cheese. Upon finshing the food, a little bit of the sugary goo was on his or her fingertips. Then he or she proceeded to write me a little memo about how he or she totally robbed me blind, and that I would never see my things again; in such, being sure he or she properly punctuated the brief missive to his or her victim. Following which, he or she was so enraptured by his or her beautiful letter, that he or she totally forgot to rob me. Or maybe I just ate a chip too fast, and a minute crumb landed in the keyboard. Who knows?

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
Oops, this isn’t Mavis Teaches Typing. My bad.

This morning, I had doughnuts at school. They were absolutely delicious, and when I was hearing about such sweet, sweet doughnut talk, it reminds of me when I was little boy in the old country. Where I come from, doughnuts are as rare as pearls, and nearly twice as valuable. In my country, it is said, “If thou shall chance across a sweet O, keep it near thine heart, as myriads of thieves will try your confectioned ring to take.” I have never really comprehended the true meaning of this adage, but I have tried to respect it as best as I can. But one time, when I was at the tender young age of eleventeen, I had a doughnut experience I will never forget. It was so terrible, and so horrifying that it brings pain to even consider thinking about it. What actually happened, you ask? Let’s just say that I ended up holding the doughnut, or perhaps I let the doughnut out of the bag, or maybe I spilled the doughnuts. But to be utterly honest, I don’t really remember.

Milk tastes much better going down than coming back up. Every time I burp after having just drank milk, I wish I never had the white frothy stuff. Do you know what milk really is? It’s just lipid tissue (fat) floating in water. It’s pretty disgusting, if you ask me. Also, how did people figure out that milk goes best cereal? This has always bothered me, but the problem is that I don’t know how to go about figuring it out.

My furniture almost killed me last night. There I was, dozing off on my couch, when all of a sudden the throw pillows leapt onto my face and started to suffocate me. While I was fighting them off of my face, the desk lamp came crashing into my back. I turned around, and there they all were, ready to kill me. I am not going to bore you with the details of my miraculous escape, but apparently, there was a Furniture Coup in my room last night. I had read about the Furniture Coup of West Germany in ’77 and the Bolivia furniture coup from the 1940’s. After I realized that this was the problem, my furniture and I had a diplomatic meeting. We all sat down, and they told me their demands. I, not wanting to lose any of them, promised to fufill all their demands. Now, after work, I have to run and get a frilly La-Z-Boy® and fancy nightstand. Apparently, all my furniture is starved for lovin’.