Tom was an every day ordinary fellow until he hit his head on a low-hanging light bulb, cracking both it and his skull. The ensuing brain damage was described by a team of expert doctors as minor and unrepairable.
This was determined after said doctors spend a great deal of time in an operating room with a partially numbed Tom poking around the gooey insides of his head. Tom went home feeling relatively normal, although the top of his head had just been resewn on so he had a bit of a headache. That night, Tom went to sleep and dreamt a little dream about a hot dog stand where he was getting married to a peeled Kiwi fruit. It was bliss.
This would explain why Tom was relatively peeved when he woke up right before he got to kiss the bride, but he was used to being disappointed by dreams. Realizing he had to start another day, Tom decided that it would be a good time to get out of bed and tried to pull himself up. Now I’m using the word tried because he didn’t succeed. You see, a large bovine creature (commonly referred to as a cow) was lying on top of his legs chewing it’s cud and making quite a mess of Tom’s new sheets.
“Get off of me!” Tom commanded the creature, and it did, walking out the window of Tom’s fourth floor apartment and plummeting to its death. Assuming this was just a continuation of his dream, Tom went back to bed and woke up about ten minutes later, cowless. He put on his clothes took a shower (opposite the order I have just described) and got in the elevator of his building with the intention of going to the local diner to get some breakfast. As he entered the elevator, Tom said hello to its current occupant which happened to be a cow.
Flabbergasted that he could encounter two cows in one day, Tom decided to get off the elevator and go back to his room. He muttered to himself, “Where are all these cows coming from?” and felt some synapses in his brain short circuit near the area of his earlier run-in with a light bulb. As he rubbed his head to ease the pain (which happened to be exactly what the doctors told him to do in such an event) A cow appeared sitting on Tom’s couch. Well, it sat for a little bit, but cows really aren’t so much sitting animals so he fell out of the couch onto his side within a matter of seconds. “Aw geez,” he said to the cow. The cow did not reply.
At this point, Tom’s brain began really thinking about cows and he once again felt some wrongdoing in the broken clockwork he called his brain. Again a cow appeared in Tom’s apartment. This time in the kitchen. Realizing that his apartment couldn’t take much more of this, what with the magically materializing cows and all, Tom herded the cows into the elevator where the second cow of the morning was licking the walls and took all three of them outside into the streets of New York and let them run free hoping some animal activist would take them in as brothers or something. Tom let out a sigh of relief as he thought how nice it was to not have any cows around anymore. Unfortunately at this moment another cow appeared in the middle of Central Park West. Tom, who happened to be facing the other way at the time, did not notice this until he turned around a few seconds later.
During the next few days, 44 cows arose from thin air in Tom’s presence which caused him to see a doctor who told him the apocalypse was afoot and that he should pray to his nearest savior. Tom wasn’t convinced, but he called to the heavens anyway and asked why cows were appearing to him. Of course, this caused another cow to emerge. The cool thing about this cow, however, was that it talked. It talked because an angel had descended into it to ease Tom’s pain. “Tom,” said the cow/angel.
“Yeah?” Answered Tom, not at all shocked that he was talking to a cow.
“I’ve come to explain the source of your cows.”
“They’re my cows?”
“Your brain is making them.”
“My brain is broken.”
“You see, the Chief up in heaven, well, the Chief is very busy so sometimes us angels try to help out when we can.”
“You’re a cow.”
“So when we need a new cow, we send an electric signal and the Chief makes a cow. Your injured brain keeps sending the cow signal to the Chief. Something’s screwed up in there, Tom.”
“So I can make a cow whenever I want?”
“Yes, but please don’t, it’s hard enough to keep track of everything without a third party making sending in requests for cows.”
“I see. Well, can’t I make a few?”
“Just use discretion. And try to avoid killing any like that one poor creature who jumped out of your apartment.”
“Hey, I thought I was dreaming. That wasn’t my fault.”
“I’m only asking you to try. I have to go now. We have 300 sheep to do before lunch. So long.” As the angel left the cows body, the cow, which was standing in the street got hit by a biker who flew off his bike. Tom acted quickly and tried to create another cow to soften the biker’s landing. Unfortunately, Tom had yet to learn how exactly to control his powers so the cow appeared on the roof of his apartment building. The biker suffered several scrapes and bruises.
In the following years, Tom became quite proficient in his heavenly powers and learned to use his powers for good and the betterment of humankind. He even became the most popular guy on his block. He also started the first dairy in Manhattan and made quite a sum and lived in a big apartment with plenty of room for grazing and milking.